 |
| 'Endless Summer' hydrangeas from my garden |
So far, I have written primarily about makeup on this blog, but I have been thinking more holistically about what beauty means to me and how my idea of it has changed in the last several years. As much as I derive pleasure from looking at the beauty in nature, architecture, fashion, the seaside, and other equally gorgeous things, more and more I realize that to truly be beautiful, I need to feel something more than the ball of stress that lives in my belly, to feel a sort of beauty emanate from the inside out—not in a vain or woo-woo, crystal-wagging way—but in a
bien dans sa peau way, which for me means being comfortable in my own skin whenever and wherever I am.
I have been lucky, and I have had a nice life so far, but I often feel overarching resentment, which stems from a lack of time, and the people, places and things that take that time from me. I continually find myself swept up in life's sense of urgency (an urgency that seems especially prized in the US Northeast) and I endeavor to remind myself to slow down. However, I always manage to convince myself that I will,
just after this next thing I need to do. Once I do that thing, I can finally let myself relax and enjoy whatever. So it's pretty clear to me that the person most to blame for my lack of peace is me.
So how do we make more time for ourselves? I can't be the only one who sees the irony in the many 'helpful' tools invented the last several decades, which are supposed to save time, but which instead compel us to do more, use up more of our time, and which even contribute to a sense of frustration that we might not be doing enough. For example, one reason I avoided Twitter for so long (which is every bit as fun as I knew it would be) was because I did not want yet another online medium that sucked away even more of my time, time where I could be recharging my reserves by just sitting quietly, reading a book with a cat in my lap. I am starting to find it really sad that each passing year sees me spend less and less time enjoying my 3D life.
 |
| Photo credit: Apple |
How often do I enjoy today—right now, this very minute—my beautiful surroundings, the ones I worked so hard to create? Not very often. Don't I gulp my espresso while feverishly scrolling through Google Reader so I can race out the door to work? Aren't I always doing three things at once to save time (e.g., giving myself a manicure while flipping through a magazine and watching something on TV). Aren't my gardens parched and weedy because I am too "busy" on the computer? No wonder time goes by so fast, and no wonder I enjoy/notice so little of the beauty that surrounds me. I'm going through life with blinders on.
So what is the resolution? When do I get my reward for all this hard work? The answer is when I give myself permission. Stress, frenetic activity, and lack of sleep are not beauty enhancers. I often think about cultures whose simplicity and practice of mindfulness allow for more down time—the way an Italian will sit in a café with a small cup of coffee, not take a giant travel mug to go. Or the beautiful simplicity of a Japanese meal, arranged perfectly on the plate. I think about how, growing up, my family sat at the dinner table every night, without fail, unless someone was away. My mother used the good china and cloth napkins and always lit candles if we ate after dark. Nowadays, it seems that I rush through dinner in front of the computer or while reading a book. It's no wonder I rarely feel satisfied with my food; I don't taste it so I don't appreciate it.
Last week, I spent the final six days of my vacation
building a private office as a birthday present for Mr. Petals while he was away. As I dug into closets and crawled under the eaves on days where temps soared into the high 90s, I felt shocked and then overwhelmed by the amount of useless crap I had accumulated in the 8 years since we'd moved to this house. Who needs three sets of mixing bowls? Or two crock pots or books from my undergrad years or baby clothes, furniture and books for that child I am not going to have? Or a dead air conditioner? Or (for god's sake) bag upon bag of empty makeup boxes? All those extras and empties reminded me of changed dreams felt like ghosts, and not friendly ghosts. Truly, how sad and pitiful is an empty box with all that air and unused space sucking up the energy of my surroundings.
So, as you can imagine, I took that opportunity to ruthlessly clear out, and when I had finished, I could not believe what the end of the driveway looked like on trash pick-up day, not to mention the top of the driveway, which was full of small furniture and bags and boxes for Good Donor, who will appreciate all those clothes, books, shoes, and toys.
I quickly realized the fastest way I could restore inner peace and outer beauty to my life was to stop being a curator. More choice means more stress and more stuff, which means more excess and compounded stress, which leads, once again, to feeling overwhelmed.
Speaking of choice, does anyone over 40 remember when we went to the store to buy jeans there was
one kind—dark-rinsed straight legs that had to be washed a bunch of times before they were soft enough to wear? Now there's bootleg, wide leg, skinny, tapered, stovepipe, cropped, capri, natural waist, low waist, high waist ... and then each of those styles comes in a variety of colors!
I hate to feel unsettled and restless in my own home, a place that should be a relaxing haven, because of the self-imposed chaos and clutter from empty UPS boxes, piles of paper on every horizontal surface, a mountain of unread magazines that I swear I'll get to, items that belong in other rooms, shoes everywhere, clean laundry that needs to be put away (where a laundry basket stands in for a bureau), makeup and camera equipment scattered all over the place, and so on. And it doesn't help that my job often demands 60-80 hours a week because there always seems to be yet another deadline. Not to stumble too far off track, but what happened to our work life? When did working more than 40 hours a week become a given, a badge of honor? It's a very sad state of affairs, indeed, for we salaried workers, where overtime is unpaid time. Blame the 80s.
Henceforth, I have renewed my commitment to making a concerted effort to slow down, to be happier with less, and to be mindful of what I have and what I experience. When I take the time to appreciate, to put things in their proper place when I have finished using them (not to mention actually having a place to put them away), my surroundings feel much more beautiful, and I feel that beauty radiating from within.
As I worked through the house last week like the Tasmanian devil, I found myself weeding out every place I touched. Everything is in its right place, and I feel so much better—even (and especially) the way I pamper myself. That had gotten out of hand, too, and I found ways to edit that, as well.
Skincare
Thankfully, I do not have a skincare obsession, and my routine and products have always been relatively minimal. I did take this recent opportunity to edit it down to just a few items, tossing out all the rest. Here's what remains:
- Caudalie Foaming Face Wash. I use this in the shower each morning. Because it is so gentle, it does not require any added moisturizer after, and I get what little sunscreen I need from my makeup.
- Bioderma Crealine H2O Ultra-Mild Non-Rinse Face and Eyes Cleanser. I love this at night in warmer months. Nothing takes off the day as well as this, and so gently. In colder months, I switch to the more creamy Avene Extremely Gentle Cleanser.
- Baltic Collagen, a serum that acts as primer, moisturizer, highlighter, and treatment. Love it.
I love the simplicity of using so few products, as well as not having to add moisture back to my skin since I am not stripping it. My face has rewarded me by being less oily and less reactive. All good.
Wardrobe
My closet has been pared down to only the pieces that make me feel great, and it's so much easier to get dressed when I know where everything is (and that it all fits). No longer do I give closet space to that chic thing that will look great after I lose those
X pounds.
 |
| Hermes Les Jardins d'Armenie |
I no longer hang onto tee shirts for years just because they are still in good shape. I spend the most I can afford on fewer items, such as a camelhair coat, cashmere blazers, merino sweaters, and so on. I live in neutrals (shades of soft pin-tinged grey and clear blues are my best friends), so I add color with accessories like scarves, shoes, and handbags. This works for me as long as I adhere as best I can to my new one-in-one-out rule.
To help me make wiser, more thoughtful and discerning purchasing decisions, I had a "seasonal" color analysis done, mostly to confirm what I already suspected about my coloring and tastes, but also to get the swatches!
 |
From top, counter clockwise: Chips for my eyes, hair, and skin
My chips matched the colors in one of my mother's scarves
(I don't do florals outside the gardena) |
Many sartorial experts (and also makeup artists) claim that anyone can wear
any color, and while that may be logistically true, why would I want to look good when I can look great? For example, everyone says blue eyes should wear brown eyeshadow for contrast. My eyes are blue, and I get this advice all the time. I even have an amber starburst around my pupil, which makes my irises appear olive green, so I would think this brown-with-blue recommendation is especially true for me, but I look hideous in browns, almost all browns, and
especially warm browns. And so despite my gut feeling for what looked good, I'd become confused by the conflicting information, so I went to a place where my skin, eyes, and hair were analyzed, which felt the tiniest bit more scientific and less woo woo.
 |
| My True Summer fan deck |
The analyst fed the ID for the matching chips into the computer, which returned a result with my season and a recommended swatch book. It's just a guideline, and I like to think I am more creative and intuitive than having to consult a swatch book when I go shopping, but it was interesting to have some of my favorite colors confirmed and just as interesting to see other favorites tossed aside when I realized that those were wearing me. Nothing compared to seeing the transformation of my skin when the color people draped a minimal set of different colored fabrics on me. I had always suspected I was a "Summer," and I was right.
Makeup
And now for the best part! Even though I wear a relatively full face of makeup when I leave the house, I use a fairly light hand and choose neutral colors that can be found within my body, mirroring the concept of
Ellis Faas (using a fair number of her products). Other favorite brands that are always in rotation are Chanel, NARS, Chantecaille, and Laura Mercier. I still get some use from a few Shu Uemura eyeshadows from the older collection (before the brand was pulled from US retail locations). I used to wear makeup to look older, more sophisticated. Now that I
am older, less makeup makes me look younger and more rested.
Just like wearing only specific colors for my apparel, I wear only clear blue-red, deep pink, or mid-toned rose lipstick, so that simplifies my choices, and I can put my makeup on each morning in under 5 minutes. Shopping is also made simple, since there are colors I never even consider (peach, coral, brown, bronze, orange-reds, and so on). But even before the color analysis, which also recommends makeup colors by brand, I had my own technique to see if a color flatters me: I try the item on with
no other makeup on my face, and if it is face/eye brightening, it is a keeper. If it creates shadows, or pulls redness or makes my skin look sallow, out it goes. I wrote about my unscientific technique
here.
I think that's enough of this hugely long-winded post, so if you are still with me, congratulations! I am curious about
what beauty means to you and how you manage it in your lives. I hope I didn't put you all to sleep.
All photos mine except where noted in caption
